Healing shame - often passed on to children

Healing Shame – The Hidden Root of Auto-Immune Disease

The Devastating Effects of Shame

The metaphysical cause of all immune problems is fear and shame. These emotions tend to be stored in the thymus gland. The problem is that shame is often so hidden one seldom knows just how much is there. It gets masked in dysfunctional behaviour which is accepted as normal. A simple example would be self neglect, such as lack of hygiene, or subtle abuse of others, by talking in a way that constantly puts them down. It can even be through addiction to destructive relationships. Whenever someone attracts relationships that are cutting them off at the knees, its because they are punishing themselves over hidden shame.

Also, while feeling shame, the body produces endorphins up to 200 times stronger than morphine, so the shame is numbed out. This reaction would suggest that shame is the most difficult emotion to feel. Fear is secondary; as the biggest fear is that we really are not good enough. Fear of shame being exposed is the biggest cause of fear of intimacy. As one gets closer to a partner and you see more of each other’s inner nature, there comes a closing off when you don’t want them to see your shame. This is when one distances themselves from their partner, and a hopeful relationship comes to an abrupt end. Healing shame is critical for healthy intimate relationships, and in fact for all relationships.

Fear is secondarily stored in the kidney. As this deals with filtering, it reflects one’s ability to filter the bad from good influences from one’s environment. As a result, when you are in fear, you either don’t trust anyone; therefore don’t open to possible help, or out of need you trust indiscriminately, allowing in abusers and confidence tricksters. This gets reflected in the immune response reacting to the wrong things. As a result, in some auto immune diseases the body will attack the healthy cells and develop a rejection against the most useful nutrients. When you really look, you can see a perfect reflection between the physical body and the metaphysical and emotional nature.

Passing on Shame; The Child’s Burden

Healing shame - often passed on to childrenThe important angle therefore is to heal shame and fear. One reason shame is not efficiently dealt with in psychology is because it is not just a psychological problem, but a metaphysical one. It is an energy that can be passed on from one person to another. This fact is often the real reason behind abusive behaviour. If a person does not want to feel his shame, he will make someone else feel it for him. The abused person then carries the shame. They experience low self esteem even though they have done nothing to warrant it. They can’t forgive the shame, as they can’t find anything real they have done wrong to forgive. They often carry false and unrealistic principles that make them feel unworthy. This is particularly true of children. A young child cannot handle the thought of its parents being defective, as that poses a threat to survival, so always concludes that everything is its own fault. So the abused child carries all the shame of its parents.

The abuse is not always overt. Many children suffer from covert sexual abuse, which is anything intangible that produces shame, such as being criticized over their bodies or appearance, having their privacy constantly invaded, or simply being exposed to sexual behaviour they are not ready to understand. Another common way for shame to be passed on is through perfection standards. When such a standard is set, and a child tries to live up to it, they end up feeling not good enough. What this is really about is the parents feeling shame for not having achieved anything, so want the child to make it up by being a high achiever. Using the child to vindicate their own failings is a big shame producer.

Shame that is not healed is always passed on one way or another, simply because it is so hard to feel. It is not necessarily passed on through the same behaviour, but often through its polar opposite. For instance, a man may have been abused as a child, so out of fear of passing on the abuse, he never touches his kids. They then feel dirty because they lack any show of intimacy.

Giving Back Shame

This kind of shame has to be given back. Shame is an energy that you can feel stored in the body. If you remember a shame producing event, you can feel where the other person’s shame is stored in your body. You can then squeeze it out and give it back. It’s a bit like pushing a hard boiled egg through a sieve. Its worth doing that to know how it feels to remove shame. Then in meditation, remember how shame was dumped on you, feel it in your body, then squeeze it out into a sack and hand it back to the abuser. Tell them that you are not going to carry their shame for them anymore, and walk away. As you do this as a regular meditation, you will remember and release many shame producing events, and will find your self esteem and your health improving rapidly. Of course, this is not just for those with auto-immune diseases; it is helpful to almost everyone.

Healing shame - affects all areas of life including businessOf course, there will be types of shame that have been passed down through many generations, and sometimes one must give the shame back not just to one individual, but to groups, religions, governments, industries, and any organization that builds itself by disempowering others. Consider the levels of sexual shame that are produced by religions. This needs to be passed back to the religion itself, and down the line to the first person who created it by setting up the shameful principles as a religious philosophy. This may be very difficult to achieve for the beginner in this method, but I use an Astra to make it happen fast. An Astra is a kind of spiritual missile, given by Shiva after long and intense spiritual discipline. In this case, it is released through a person’s consciousness where it works deeper and deeper until it gets right to the root of the shame. Once a person begins this process, an Astra can do the rest. I use these a lot on my Ultimate Healing Course, where each person has time to let the process complete.

Forgiving your own Shame

This is just one type of shame. Once you have given back all shame that is not your own, it will be much easier to forgive your mistakes, as you will no longer be overburdened. The next step is to recognize your genuine failings so that you can forgive them. The main obstacle for most people is their ability to feel remorse. It is natural to feel remorse when you do something that goes against your conscience. It is part of the process of individualisation. By making mistakes and feeling remorse, you discover what is right and wrong for you, rather than being forced into somebody else’s standards.

Transformation generally happens in four steps: recognise, acknowledge, forgive and change. It flows when all four steps are taken together. You can’t forgive until you recognize your mistake, own it, and then are willing to change, and you won’t change until you forgive yourself. The process of forgiveness then has seven stages: denial, blame, self-pity, indignation, seeing the whole pattern, stepping out of the pattern, then being forgiven. You always begin from a place of denial, so you recognize it, and then allow yourself to pass through the other emotions. You can’t just forgive in one go. Those who try are usually just suppressing their emotions.

Seeing the whole pattern means that you recognize that once you feel defective you always fail in the same way, so you are not just forgiving one event, but a whole lifetime of similar behaviour. Then you can truly step out of this continuous cycle and finally forgive and change. Many people will need guidance to get through the whole process. This is one of the wonders of doing the Ultimate Healing Course, as there is time to go through the process in depth.

Of course, you can come across something that is held as unforgivable. This is also what makes illness incurable. To heal what is incurable you have to forgive the unforgivable. What makes it unforgivable is a broken alliance, which could be with your inner child or adolescent, your soul, your higher self or any other aspect of self. Once you mend this broken alliance, everything will be forgiven.

The Importance of Nutrition in Healing

This article has been mainly about healing shame, as that is the root cause of immune deficiency. I just need to add that to heal the body also requires intense nutritional preparation, as all change is a nutritional process. The body can only change if it has the raw materials to make that change. What it requires are enzymes and minerals. These are provided by raw organic food and enzyme and mineral supplements. See my article Nutrition and the Healing Crisis.

Getting Help

I run my Ultimate Healing Intensive annually in July in Devon, UK and also from time to time in The Netherlands and in Thailand – please check my Calendar. There are also a number of free resources associated with this course that are helpful for everyone:

Ultimate Healing Handbook – Part 1 – my free eBook

Introductory Talk on Healing – audio recording

Ultimate Healing Course Video Interviews

The Seven Levels of Emotional Healing – 2 articles on how emotions are stored and healed

If you would like help with healing shame or other issues, individual session are available (mainly in Devon) or remotely – see Shamanic Healing and Distant Healing.

Another aspect of shame is power loss – something which is dealt with in my free audio course Take Back Your Power which you can access here.

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4 thoughts on “Healing Shame – The Hidden Root of Auto-Immune Disease”

  1. Hi Peter,

    This article is food for thought. I am not sure there is something as real shame and a person who it belongs with, to pass our falsely inhereted shame back to.
    Maybe we shouldn t be passing it on but also not passing it back as the person before you probably also had inherited it falsely from someone and so on and so on. Although I must admit it would feel good to give this shame I m carying back to someone. But is that right? Can t we better give it to the Divine and say: Here is my illusionary shame, I m sorry I fooled myself in to thinking it was real because I tried to fit in. And then to mourn our childhood paterns that have made us want to fit in because we were dependent.
    You talk about some kind of genuine form of shame called remorse. Is that not something entirely different? Can genuine remorse make you feel dirty?

    1. Actually the person needs their shame bck for their own growth. I have found thatonce a person gets their shame back, they become aware of the prolem and start to seek help. It leads to transformation. why deny someone this? remorse doesn’t make you feel dirty. That would show that it is mixed with shame.

  2. Hi Peter,
    I wonder what guidance would you offer a person (me for example!) who has worked really hard for many years through some of the healing practices you outline (and others) to heal the shame, but auto-immune illness recurs? I know there is a baseline shame still in me, rooted in the fearful self-judgement that professionally i’ve underachieved and failed. But while there are temporary respites usually word-derived, it floods back in less busy times, and there is a sense of futility at being back at Square one. At 55, having done so much ‘work on myself’, and now suffering again with auto-immune, i’m somewhat at a loss to know what’s the right move.

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