Body Electronics Intensive – Day 5 Transcription
Koh Phangan, Thailand – February, 2017
Forgiveness, Myths, Aka cords and Self-Pity
What I want to talk about today is forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a process. It doesn’t all happen in one go.
Forgiveness is not absolution. It’s not like you go to the church and confess, pay your money and get absolved. It doesn’t work that way.
The problem with shame is when you feel flawed you always fail in the same way. Because of that flaw you keep making the same mistake. To say it’s forgiven now is not going to change that pattern.
The key to forgiveness is to discreate the why rather than the what – knowing why you did something. Because every failure is some kind of weakness. We all have weaknesses – and when you forgive yourself having a weakness that’s when you can be forgiven. Sometimes what you have done makes you feel unforgivable – it’s unacceptable – but if you look at the weakness behind it you can actually forgive yourself or the other person for having that weakness. So the key is to forgive the why.
When you recognise the weakness you begin to change and grow out of it, and that’s a big part of stepping out of the pattern.
We all make mistakes in life, because this is how we develop conscience. It’s only by making mistakes you realise what is right and wrong for you – which is not the same as what is right or wrong for everybody (else). We all have different principles, different character. Because we have different powers, different ways of creating our lives. Some things are more important to some people than somebody else. Some people might say compassion is important, others truth.
Religion is full of arguments about those. Because we all have different principles, we all put something else as more important than the others. And you only discover this when you do something that feels bad. So conscience is a part of realisation. So a big part becoming individuals, since we are children, along the way, is to make mistakes and find it doesn’t feel good.
So what happens when you feel remorse? Remorse is different from shame. You feel remorse when you have made a mistake – with shame you are the mistake. And once you feel flawed you keep failing in that same way. And it often becomes an excuse for bad behaviour. If somebody is meant to be a bastard you let them get away with that behaviour because that’s what you expect of them. It doesn’t actually make them feel good inside. The pain is numbed away because it’s painful to feel. So it’s numbed out and the person is just stuck in dysfunctional behaviour.
When somebody is still doing that you can’t forgive them because it’s not safe. If somebody is always doing something hurtful, you can’t forgive them because they are going to do it again. Even if you understand why they are doing it, you can’t really let go until there is safety. The same is true for yourself. You need to look at why you are doing it, and step out of that pattern. And shame actually changes when it’s turned into remorse.
A big problem is how to feel remorse. You want it to go away. That means not making excuses, but looking at the real reason behind it.
And that’s often why it doesn’t work. People may come together for counselling, somebody has done something to the other one, and they are looking at why and they give the wrong reason. That’s why you can’t forgive. You can’t forgive the bullshit. Like when someone has abused somebody and they say that’s the only way they had to express love. How can that be an expression of love? Instead of saying ‘I didn’t know how to express my shame so I dumped it on you.’
Once you recognise the real reason you can start to work on it and change it. You need to know the real reason, and not just an excuse. When you understand why somebody does something it doesn’t excuse it, but it does explain it. Because we all have these weaknesses, we learn as we go along, we all make mistakes. When you make a mistake it doesn’t feel good – that’s how you start to grow and change and develop conscience.
So the process of forgiveness is going to require you to look first of all at why you are doing it, or why someone else is doing it, and then begin to step out of that pattern. When you forgive, you are not just forgiving one thing. If you keep feeling the same way, then you have done the same thing many times in your life. You recognise the whole pattern. You are doing it because you feel flawed. You have to be able to step out of the whole pattern. You don’t just look at one event; you begin to see the sequence of events, the whole pattern, the whole behaviour.
Q: What if you don’t know why someone has done something?
A: There’s a way of finding out, once you understand the process of shame. Most of the time, when someone is abusing you, they are dumping their shame. When you can’t handle shame you will pass it onto someone else one way or another. Shame is often given to children because they are easy to dump on.
And you can feel it in yourself – when you are being abused. When you feel bad about yourself you are feeling shame. Shame that has been passed onto you. That’s what I was saying earlier, where you feel it, squeeze it out and give it back.
So if you are dealing with someone who has shame, you can recognise that their weakness is they have shame and they haven’t dealt with it. We’ve all been there. You forgive that particular pattern.
Or sometimes it’s to do with limited beliefs, lack of power. People are stealing power from you because they don’t think they can create it themselves. And the more they do it the more they enforce this limiting belief that they can’t do it themselves. And that belief is pushed deeper and deeper to become a law, and it’s a downward spiral. This is how problems get aggravated and this is what people really mean when they talk about karma – we create it ourselves, it’s not some person or god out there punishing mistakes, it’s how we create. That’s why we talk about momentum rather than karma, because it’s either upward or downward.
Positive momentum is when you create, and the next time you create you create better because your beliefs are even stronger. You increase your value, do things that make other people feel good, raise their value and it goes up and up and up. On the other hand, if you try to create something and it fails, your expectations tell you it will get harder, and your value goes down, you get down into the competitive or supplicative value, it’s a downward spiral. It’s all about how we create – by stepping out of that spiral and creating a positive one again.
So forgiveness is part of this process of changing that downward pattern. To forgive, you have to recognise why they are doing it – the shame, lack of power or lack of belief, and sometimes lack of conscience itself. Sometimes you see a person’s bad behaviour and it’s because they have never learned to feel remorse. Every time they did something wrong they excused it. So instead of making the mistake they were the mistake. So this is something else you have to look at – it’s difficult to feel remorse sometimes.
A lot of people think a psychopath can’t feel guilt, but that’s not how it is – they can’t feel remorse. Remorse is not the same as guilt. And you don’t need a conscience that is based on guilt; you need a conscience that is based on dignity. We all feel remorse when we do something that doesn’t agree with who we are inside. So part of the pattern of forgiveness is to recognise that the mistake isn’t you. You were making a mistake, you are not the mistake. Just as with feelings, you should avoid identification – you are not the feeling, you are just feeling it. And you are not the mistake, you made the mistake. When you know that, you can feel remorse for the mistakes you made. You know not to make that mistake anymore, so you’ll change, be more aware of how this affects people. That’s how remorse works.
And all growth happens in these simple stages. There are actually four stages in the process of change – recognise, acknowledge, forgive and change. You can’t have one without the others. You won’t change if you are not forgiven; and you can’t forgive without changing.
If you recognise something and start making excuses – they did it to me and so on – you can’t move on, you have to realise ‘I am doing it’ – that’s the acknowledgement. If you recognise that knowledge, you can forgive and change.
So we do make mistakes. We realise it didn’t feel good, realise ‘this wasn’t me’, and decide not to do it anymore because I’m changing. I’m a different person. It’s actually quite natural.
The greatest thing that power does is change. Any time we are using our power it’s for some kind of change. And the greatest change is within ourselves, and not in the outside world. So change requires power. If you don’t have power, you can’t grow, you can’t change and you can’t create things. So when you recognise what the problem is you start to change things. If you recognise the problem was a lack of belief in your power, you work on that belief. Then you can get out of the pattern. So the way out of dysfunctional behaviour is to look at how to change – where you need to go. It’s about recognising the pattern of behaviour you want to step out of.
There are some basic myths which hold these things in place. Myths are deeper than beliefs. We have spoken about laws, but there is also a mythical level of our consciousness. The myths we are brought up with precondition our beliefs.
There are lots of religious myths we are brought up with. Like the myth of original sin for example. We are all flawed because of what someone did years ago. You’ve got shame to start with before you’ve done anything. That’s a hard one to break.
And the myth of eternal punishment in hell. Because you’ve done something bad you are going to be there forever. And that stops you from changing.
And these things – people try to work around them instead of heal. Like going to church for absolution, when it’s the church that created the myth that you are flawed. You are just feeding the same old myth. And you can’t buy absolution – it’s not forgiveness. And you’re not flawed in the first place. We all come from the same divinity, we are all perfect. So there’s an entity to be released, but how to release a myth? We have to go deeper again.
Some of these things are beyond consciousness – you can see it’s there, you know it’s operating somewhere, but releasing beliefs doesn’t happen by changing the words around, by making an affirmation. You have to expand, feel it and let it go.
When it comes to a myth, you have to go to a deeper level. We need to learn how to work from pure awareness as a creator. Pure awareness only does three things – it creates, it experiences and it discreates. And there is no difference between one thing and another, everything is just a creation, whether it’s a belief, a law, a myth – everything is your creation.
Now while we get to a point in the expansion where you recognise it’s your creation, it’s harder with a myth because it goes beyond your lifetime. But if we look at this myth as a creator, we just discreate this myth and it goes.
We are going to do a little journey – and you can do this journey during pointholding as well. The only ‘rule’ as it were for change is to observe it. Nothing in this world exists until it’s observed. The matter here, the particles, only exist as waves – but physics shows us that when we observe the wave it becomes localised into a particle. Matter is only there when you observe it. And you have to observe something for it to be changing.
In the pointholding there is burning – that’s observing something. And if we go to pure awareness and make a command for those patterns to dissolve, while it’s burning, that’s it happening. And when it’s finished burning it’s gone. It’s simple. Because we are all creator.
So in this journey we will go out through different levels of awareness. So let’s get rid of the myths of original sin, that you’re flawed; the myth of eternal punishment. Another big one is the one you can die. A lot of people think the soul can die. This is actually behind a lot of our other fears, the fear of oblivion. This is the fear behind our lack of boundaries. When you lack boundary, you think you are going to disappear. If you get rid of the myth that the soul can die, and realise you are eternal and immortal, all that goes.
Journey to the Creator to dissolve myths
Close your eyes and we will do a little journey.
Begin by feeling yourself sinking into the earth.
So as you are sinking the earth energy can arise through you.
Just relaxing and sinking.
And as the energy rises through you, it begins to gather in a ball above your head.
I want you to let your consciousness be in this ball of energy now. And in this ball of energy you are rising up, through the ceiling, up above the building, into the sky, looking down over the land and rising higher and higher in the sky.
Up above the earth, out into space, way beyond the moon and the sun.
Up through the stars.
Way beyond the galaxy.
And even the physical universe comes to an end.
As you rise beyond the physical universe you come into the land of the animal spirits and the ancestors.
You rise through this realm, keep rising, till you rise beyond that into the upperworld where all the saints and masters exist, all the devas, higher beings.
And you are rising through that.
You rise through the void: pure potential, before everything else was created.
And you rise past all the gods and goddesses.
Then you are going to rise through the laws of the universe, which are like coloured layers of jelly. You rise through them.
Till you come to this pale, bluish-white light of oneness.
Here you just ask to be taken to the highest level of existence: oneness with the creator.
And from here you can look down upon yourself. And as pure awareness, as creator, you are going to make the command to create healing on yourself.
You make the command that the myth of original sin is discreated. You just watch it happen. And while you observe there might be a subtle feeling as you watch something flowing out of the body, dissolving out of it. Just observe it happen.
Now you make the command to dissolve and discreate the myth of eternal damnation.
And again, just observe it happening.
Then from here you make the command to discreate the myth that your soul can die.
And again, observe it changing.
And as it’s almost dissolving, we’re going to start downloading new information.
From creator, you simply make the choice to download into you the creator’s understanding and perspective of your immortality, your eternity. And just observe this downloading information and awareness.
And also choose to download the creator’s understanding and perspective of your divinity and perfection and value. And just watch that information download.
And also command the dissolution of the illusion of a punishing god. Just observe as it’s changing. It might be like a heavy weight dissolving.
And in place of that you are going to download the creator’s understanding and perspective of forgiveness. Just watch the information download.
And in this space of pure awareness, just make the command that you can return here easily any time.
And ask creator to teach you how to change easily.
And from there descend back into your body. Take a few moments to get grounded. And rise into the body again.
And you can open your eyes.
Easy isn’t it? Dealing with those basic myths is going to make forgiveness more easy. So when it comes to forgiveness don’t just say ‘that’s forgiven’ – it doesn’t work that way. Look at the whole pattern – recognise why, recognise the weakness and be ready to grow out of it so you can let it go.
Forgiving yourself is the first important bit, where you forgive the mistakes you’ve made, and recognise the weaknesses behind it.
Then look at those you can’t let go of. Forgiving others is about letting them go so they are not in your space any more. Doesn’t mean you have to like them. Doesn’t mean you have to meet them again.
And you don’t have to recognise why they are doing what they are doing – you have to recognise why you have allowed it in. That doesn’t mean you’ve created it. Some things you are responsible for creating – some things you are responsible for allowing.
If someone does something to you, you’ve allowed it. It may be because you just weren’t strong enough at the time, or you didn’t know any better, look at the reason why you’ve allowed it. Then you can change.
So when you are dealing with another person that you want to forgive, to be free of, take some time to question. First express all the emotions. In your mind you can jump and scream and beat them up. Then you stop and look – why they are doing it and why you’ve allowed it. And when you have finished that and answered why you’ve allowed it you can say, OK, I forgive that weakness, cut the ties and see them go on their way.
So every time you need to forgive someone there are those stages – express the emotion, understand why they’ve done it, why you’ve allowed it, forgive the why and cut the ties and send them on their way. Why doesn’t have to be any big fantastic reason – it could be that they didn’t know any better, or you weren’t strong enough at the time.
Tie-cutting and aka cords
When you look at these experiences with other people there are cords connected from the chakras, they’re called aka cords. In the Kahuna ways, aka cords are sticky threads that connect people together through their interactions. These threads are often draining energy and affecting you.
In relationships you form cords between you. So after a relationship it’s good to cut those threads because you are still kind of tied somehow. They might slowly dissolve but that takes time.
After every sexual interaction the cord that’s left can take seven years to dissolve. You can cut the cords yourself. You have to try to see them in your mind and trust your intuition. If you imagine the cords coming from yourself and the other person’s there you can feel certain spots and you can actually see the thread there and just cut it.
If you only want to cut the sexual cords – for example if you still have a relationship with someone but the relationship has changed – then the intention matters. If your intention is to only cut the sexual cords then the rest – such as friendship – will remain.
Also be aware of power loss cords. Sometimes, in a relationship, there’s been a loss of power. And those need cutting or you are giving away your power to the other person still. So you need to cut the cord and take it all back.
In the forgiveness process there may be shame to give back and power to take back before you can cut cords. Forgiveness is really about being free of them, the situation is over. If there is still shame there it’s not done, is it? You try to forgive them but they’ve still got your power and you’ve still got their shame – you’re not free of them.
So forgiveness, you can’t just do it ‘like that’, you’ve got to go through the whole process. Quite often we give power away from a lack of responsibility. We want someone else to take all the responsibility.
And of course the important thing is to feel. If you are too much in the mind with the tie-cutting and not actually feeling what’s going on – the emotions have to come out. The shame, you have to feel it and give it back. So sometimes it’s not good to do it too fast, as you have to give yourself a chance to feel. So let yourself feel, don’t rush, and sometimes it’s time to stop and cut cords and take your power back and so on. So in forgiveness you’ve got to feel it all first – so if you are angry with another person feel the anger, how much hate you’ve got, how much you want to hurt them and so on – those feelings have to come out before we can really cut the ties and be free.
This whole need to forgive causes a lot of problems in itself. You don’t have to forgive. It’s a process you come to in your own time as you are working through your change, your healing. There are times you want to be free of the past, free of other people and so on – and to be done with the past, is to forgive.
It comes easily when you recognise that cause is in the future and not the past anyway. You are no longer blaming the past then you see. You’re no longer blaming other people.
So it’s also useful to recognise how self-pity works. It’s a big part of power loss and how you screw yourself up.
Cause is in the future, right? And the tools of desire, imagination and expectation are all linked to the future – you desire something, imagine it in the future, expect it: it’s going to happen.
So when you are in self-pity, what are you expecting? What are you imagining? And what are you desiring?
Because cause is in the future there is always a desire about the results we are going to get. Self-pity does certain things like it manipulates, it punishes, it avoids. When you are in self-pity you get other people to do things for you, and you avoid responsibility so they don’t ask you. It also tears down their self-worth – you’re in self-pity, they take all the blame and you take them down. So you are punishing, manipulating and avoiding, that’s why you are doing it.
So those are the desires- but if you admit those it wouldn’t work.
That’s why you have to nobilise the past to try to make it real. If I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself and you come and ask me what’s wrong and I say I’m manipulating you, you’re not going to have it.
My wife gave me a hard time, my mother gave me a hard time, my boss gave me a hard time – it’s all about the past, you see? So I can actually get you into my hands where I want you. Therefore I have to start believing the past is real. The reality is, though, that it’s the future cause I’m working on. It’s my desire for the future that’s causing what I do, the manipulation, the punishment, the avoidance.
So if you have negative desires, negative intention and negative imagination, what are you going to create? A negative future. How could you do otherwise? How could you get people to feel sorry for you if you’re successful? To manipulate people to feel sorry for you, you have to create problems and failures. That’s the cycle you get stuck in.
Once you admit let’s not do the past anymore – it’s your imagination, your desires, your expectations – your motivation right now – that’s creating the future the past becomes far less real anyway. It becomes more easy to let go of it.
If I am hanging onto this need to punish people and control them now, I am hanging onto all these people in the past that have done me wrong and damaged me. So I hang onto that damage as an excuse for my behaviour.
So I want you to look at how you actually use those things to keep it in place. You have to be willing to change, to see yourself in a better future. And a better future means you are not going to be in self-pity anymore. It means you are not going to be getting people running around doing things for you – controlling and punishing and manipulating and avoiding things.
So what are you going to do instead when you are successful? You have to see yourself being in power, motivating people, doing things for yourself, having successes. You are not going to be rich while being this victim. You will be stuck in self-pity.
You won’t have good relationships while you are in self-pity. That’s why one has to recognise the future motivation in these things and realise cause is not in the past. So it’s much easier to let go of the past and be done with it when you know it’s not the cause anymore. It’s not what’s making you what you are.
At any moment you have many possible futures. And you have a relationship to all those futures through how you feed them. What you are at present is almost the sum total of all your possible futures. So it’s good to look at the futures that you are putting energy into.
When you are in self-pity you are putting energy into a negative future. I’m not saying don’t feel in self-pity – if you feel grief, that’s another thing, But self-pity is something you are actually doing to hold things in place. You can feel grief and just welcome it, but self-pity is just holding it in place and using it to pull people in – or to push them away.
Victims & Martyrs
A victim uses self-pity to pull people in – and a martyr uses self-pity to push people away. Saying ‘I’m already overburdened, leave me alone’ – that’s also self-pity, that’s martyrhood.
You learn to be a victim as a child, because a child is naturally a victim, it can’t do things for itself. When you get to adolescence you become a martyr, because that’s when you are trying to find your own will. You want to be right. And therefore everyone else is wrong, you hold on to your way and refuse to move, and die for your cause. That’s martyrhood – and in martyrhood you always feel overburdened, misunderstood and unappreciated. So each time you feel any of those things you know you are being a martyr.
When you are overburdened and unappreciated – why do you do things if people don’t appreciate you? So you can punish them – to show how bad they are. It’s silent and righteous anger – but it’s all hidden and covert. So it’s good to recognise self-pity – the victim who uses self-pity to draw you close, the martyr who uses self-pity to push you away because you feel overburdened.
Why would you take on extra burdens if you are already overburdened? When people don’t appreciate you anyway? Did you ever stop to think about that?
Martyrhood is basically a kind of anger – so it’s good to look at who you are angry with, and it’s usually not yourself. Though that’s what people usually say first of all. Apart from yourself who are you trying to punish? Quite often it’s god. Have you ever seen Bruce Almighty? It’s you, it’s your fault you lousy creator! That’s what people try to do in martyrhood. Show how useless god is for not getting it right, not giving them what they deserve.
They’re both self-pity. But the victim knows they are being a victim, while the martyr will never admit to being a martyr because he is always misunderstood. If you point out what they are doing – ‘oh no you misunderstood me’. Whenever you are overburdened, misunderstood and unappreciated you’re a martyr. So it’s time to look at who you are angry with, who you want to punish – and not yourself! That’s not who you are really trying to punish.
So when you recognise who you are angry with you can get into that anger. If you are angry with god, that’s fine too. Cause quite often we have this image of god that’s false and so we get angry with it. You feel disappointed because god is not as you were told it was. You think of this person up there with a white beard who is punishing you for doing bad things and not giving you what you deserve and not rewarding your good behaviour and you get angry with god.
That’s fine – get angry with god. The creator is beyond being offended by you. Doesn’t matter if you go burning bibles and stuff, there’s nothing there that’s going to care in the universe – those are just human creations you are burning after all. So you can be angry with god all you like, because that’s a concept of god you need to break and dissolve – you don’t need it. Sometimes you have to be angry with something to destroy it. So when you’ve got this negative concept of god, destroy it. It’s a myth as well – go back to creator, and destroy this myth of god.
So this is all a process you can use during the sessions if you need to. What you can do when you start pointholding is you go to creator and command all the things you want to change, all those problems. And during pointholding, while it’s burning, you are actually observing it all changing. And everything will come out and be released. And when you feel the pulse, the observation is finished and it’s done.
This will ensure that what you wanted to be rid of is gone. You discreate it. That’s your power as creator – you can do anything. You can get rid of any negative belief.